Maiko's Inferno
by Maiko.Chan12
Summary: A parody of Dante's Inferno...man, this needs to be revived. Part 1 of 3 in the Divine Comedy Series!
1. The Forest of Error

'_Why can't I snooze all of a sudden?' _I thought as I tossed and turned in my bed, uncomfortable for some reason as my breathing quickened.

The alarm on my clock read 11:57 PM as I struggled in my sheets…..11:58….at 11:59, my heart started to pound as I, still awake of course, heard footsteps around my bed as I felt the covers lift and heard someone snicker…

"Hey there," said a smirking black and red-haired girl around my age, fixing up her black trench coat. "I'll be your guide for this little…**trip**. Pack up anything you need and we'll be on our way. Oh, and I highly suggest bringing a jacket for this, kid." The girl had said as I packed a flashlight, a few snacks, my glasses, a thick brown jacket, and a bottle of water as the girl assured cheerfully, "Oh, don't worry; neither of us will get hurt, Maiko." Okay, how the heck did she know my name? "Because," the girl chuckled, "I'm Demi; that's how I know ya~!" "Wait, what the—Demi-chan! It **is** you! Ha, wait until Mom and Dad see you, girl!" I happily exclaimed. _Who's lying now, huh? Man, this is awesome!_ "Actually, your folks can't see me or you now, for that matter. Where we're going doesn't concern them…" Demi revealed sheepishly as she added, "Oh, and Ryuuzaki-san's bawling over you right about now; 'Oh, Maiko-sama, where are you? I want to see you! Oh, I miss you so much!'" Demi said in an epic imitation of my man Ryuuzaki as I informed, "Oh, and Matt misses you bunches too." "Oh, I know; I see him everyday. Ah, love….but, we have to get going." She said as she proceeded to open my bedroom door.

"So, um….where do you think we're we going?" I asked my shinigami friend. "Easy, we're going on a journey to see L. But in order to do that, we have to make three stops in order to do so." My so-called guide explained as she opened the door to show a dark forest. "Ladies and gents, I give you the Forest of Error. Watch out for the wolves, leopards, and lions too." Demi advised as she took my hand. "Oh, my goodness; I'm petrified." I said, rolling my eyes as I feigned fear. _How bad can this be?_


	2. Canto 2

_Okay, I thought wrong. _As we trudged through the dark, sunless Forest of Error, I could've sworn I've heard growling behind me. "D-Demi-neechan….you warned me about lions, leopards, and wolves…right?" I said, my hands trembling as my teeth chattered. "You know what? We should have taken the scenic route, don't you think?" My 'guide' said, avoiding the matter at hand. "Oh, this just **fantastic, **Demi! What do we do now? I don't wanna be animal food!" I cowered as my guide smirked. "Relax Mai; we'll be fine. I promise you neither of us will get even a scratch on us." She assured, her red eyes glowing with mischief.

In front of us stood a ferocious lion, fangs and all, alongside a rather thin gangly she-wolf that looked as if we were her first meal out of the den; lastly, next to the ravenous she-wolf, stalked a menacing leopard, its eyes glowing against the darkness. While I cowered in fear, my two-tone haired shinigami friend snickered as she tapped my shoulder. "Heh, this always keeps them off." She said as she pulled out three Frisbees with three pictures taped on them.

"Yo Leo…catch the Frisbee!" Demi called as she tossed a red Frisbee with a picture of Edward Cullen sparkling in sunlight near the lion as it chased the disc; "Fetch the pretty Frisbee, girl!" She cheered, throwing a green Frisbee with a photo of Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers taped on it towards the she-wolf as it yapped happily, speeding after it. "You see the Frisbee? Then go _get it_!" Demi ordered as she hurled the Frisbee over the leopard's head as leaped to retrieve it. "Gets them every time…" Demi chuckled as she led me to a large brazen door; nearly the entire inscription I couldn't read except one: "_**Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.**_" _Ah, Maiko-baka, what've you gotten yourself into this time?_

Demi said nothing as the door swung open to reveal darkness. "Ladies and germs, I give you….Hell." She jokingly announced as we stepped into the dank.

((REVIEW OR BE SENT THROUGH INFERNO!))


	3. Matt, Charon, and the trip of Hell

((Disclaimer: I do not own _La Divino Commedia, _Dante Alighieri or his works, _Inferno_, or any of the anime/manga mentioned in this fan fiction…and I never will. *sobs* First up are the Uncommitted, Limbo, and then the boat ride to the Second ring: The Lustful. If there are any suggestions, feel free to review! ))

As we entered the dankness, Demi hollered, her red eyes glowing like hot coals against the murkiness, "In and out!" as if she were a conductor at a train station. "What was that all about?" I asked as she chuckled. "Simple; before the first circle, there's the Uncommitted, in other words, souls who took neither side during the Angelic Rebellion or the people who basically didn't do squat during their lives, good or evil. They stay on the banks of the Acheron River, neither in or out of Hell, and their punishment is to eternally chase a banner while being chased by stinging wasps and hornets while maggots attempt to consume them." She ended in a dramatic voice, attempting to scare me; it worked….after a short while. Thank God I was wearing old sneakers…

"Are we there yet?" Ah, the dreaded question asked on any trip. _This is payback for scaring me, Demi._ "No, we aren't there yet…but we'll get there soon, I promise!" She cheerfully added. Dang it, my annoyance plan had failed yet again. "So…." I asked after a bit of silence. "What's Circle number one?" I asked awkwardly, my hands shifting in the pockets of my bed robe. "Oh, the first circle? I'll give you a hint…" She pulled me close and repeatedly whispered in my ear: "How low can you go~? Tell me, Maiko, how low can you go~?" Oh God, not this! "Let me guess….we are in Limbo, aren't we?" I flatly answered as she cheerfully nodded. "Yuppers, we're in the First Round alright."

The first thing I spotted was a pair of goggles seated atop a head of messy red hair; Matt! "Hey there, Matty! It's nice to see you!" I cheerfully greeted as he hugged me. "Heh, lovely seeing you too, Mai-neechan. So, what are you doing here—Demi-sama? It **is** you! I'm **not** dreaming after all!" He gleefully cried as he glomped my guide and showered her face with kisses. "Love fest…" I muttered to myself. Where's Ryuuzaki when you need him? "Umm, Matty…can you please get off? Get off of me; I'm showing Maiko the tour." A gasping Demi managed to say as the mafia gamer released her…and latched onto me instead. "Can he come with?" I asked; "Yeah, can I come with?" He asked; "_**Please~?**_" We both begged in unison while flashing the feared Puppy Dog eyes as Demi rolled her eyes. "Fine…Matt can come with us." Demi agreed as Matt gave her a (rather long) thank-you kiss.

"Anyway, can you explain what Limbo is?" I asked as we set off and waited for the ferryman named Charon to help us across, the duo becoming a trio. "Simple; Limbo is where the unbaptized souls reside, no matter what sin they commit. I was born baptized, but, I was set aside here in order to act as guide. Awesome, huh?" Matt explained as the ferry finally stopped at Limbo's shores. Charon's dark slate eyes, framed by pale skin and black hair, bore into me as he glowered at me. "Can't let her pass; she's still alive. And I won't give freebies like the last one." He snorted in contempt as he grabbed his oar in an attempt to shove me back.

"_**So it is wanted where the power lies.**_" Matt and Demi forcefully boomed to the ferryman in harmony as he snarled. "Aw, fine; I'll let you lot on…no more freebies, that's for sure…." He grumbled to himself as we pushed off. Along the way, my heart started to pound; what if I don't make it out? What if I wind up here for eternity? What if I never see my Ryuzaki-kun* again? Okay, It's excuse time! "Erm, g-guys….I f-f-feel a bit woozy…" And with that, I fainted on a boat into the arms of a shinigami and a mafia member (who are happily to each other, might I add)…._**in Hell.**__** Way to go, Maiko. **_


	4. The Star Cross'd Sannin

((Disclaimer time! I DON'T OWN DANTE'S INFERNO OR ANY OF THE ANIME/MANGA MENTIONED! That is all.))

When I came to, I was lying dead in front of a gargantuan, stony eyed, white-bearded man who sat on a throne of boulders; what I didn't notice was the lengthy snake's tail that wrapped around him. "W-W-Who is _he_?" I managed to stammer out of fear, shock, and awe. "Oh, that's just Minos. He judges those who have deliberately sinned in life; no biggie." _NO BIGGIE! _Demi shrugged as I pointed to the judge's serpent tail, still intimidated. "His tail sort of serves as his gavel; the number of times he wraps his tail around him is the circle that sinner soul is sent to. For example, look who's next." Matt jerked his thumb to the familiar-looking soul who was next in line to be judged. _Hmm, that long teal hair…those green eyes…..NO WAY. _"Ha…Hatsune M-M-Miku? How the…well, here, did she wind up here?" I half-whispered in shock, the inner me leaping with joy.

"Listen, Maiko, and you'll find out." Matt advised as I heard the dreaded judge condemn the leek-lover; "You are guilty of manipulation, seduction, as well as the sins of gluttony, pride, greed; you are mainly guilty of pride. You shall be punished in…Circle 8, the First Bolgia." Minos boomed as a shocked Hatsune Miku was carried off by grotesque, winged demons to the assigned circle, shouting curses and obscenities in Japanese all the while. "Whoa…" was all I could simply say at the moment. Once the feared judge caught sight of me, I hid behind the nearest erect slab of slate I could find!

Minos glared at the boulder I was hiding behind. _Thank God he can't see me…._ At that thought, he roared in rage as he angrily growled at the spot where I hid: "**Mortal, you and your guides shall pass. Next time you dare intrude through here I shall not be so….. merciful.**" I sighed with relief as I walked out from behind my hiding boulder. "What did I tell you? I know that, at first, you were a bit…scared but you made it, Maiko!" Matt praised with a pat on the shoulder.

All of a sudden, I felt a strong blast of wind blow through my raven locks as well as my bed robe. "Okay, can anyone explain the change in weather please?" I asked as I sensed another gale about to commence. "Oh, that's completely simple, Mai; we're in the second ring, where the Lustful reside." Matt explained while Demi continued, "The lustful are those who fell to carnal urges during their lifetime and didn't pray for forgiveness before they died. The punishment for the lustful is to be blown about by horrendous winds; in life, they let themselves be blown about by their own primal urges, so in death, they themselves are blown about by the windstorm representing the urges they submitted to." He finished, trying his best to take in air after his 'speech'.

Suddenly, I saw a couple that looked all too familiar; white spiky hair in a ponytail entwined with blonde pigtails…amber eyes locked with onyx…_the Toad and Slug sannin! No stinking way! _"I understand Jiraya being here, but…Tsunade-sama? I don't get it…" Demi calmly stated, "Why ask me or Matt when you can ask them yourselves?"

"Okay…I-I'll try…" I said warily as I called them out by the top of my head; "Jiraiya, Tsunade…in the name of Love, why are you here?" I hollered over the wind as Tsunade, still entwined in the Pervy Sage's arms, steered themselves over to where Demi, Matt, and I were standing. "Why we are here is tragic; in order to restore peace to Konohagakure, I was forced into marriage with Orochimaru, the feared Snake Sannin. After a year into the marriage, I was terrified as I fled into Jiraiya's arms time and time again without his knowing; little did we know that while we were…well, intimate, Orochimaru snuck up and murdered us from behind. We didn't pray for forgiveness, and so we ended up here…" Tsunade sighed as her lover comforted her. "But at least we're together…" The Toad Teacher gently whispered as another gust of wind blew the echoers of the Star Crossed Lovers* around brutally once more…_well, they __are__ together….Tsunade and Jiraya, bound in infernal matrimony for eternity….how deep._ I thought as I hollered, "So, what's next?" "Circle Three, the Gluttonous, guarded by Cerberus." Matt said plaintively.

((AN: I have three things to say…

One: *Romeo and Juliet, Naruto style.

Two: CLIFFHANGER!

Three: Review PLEASE!))


	5. Hermes and Hades?

((I don't own Dante Alighieri, any of the anime/manga mentioned, or Inferno. Immortal cameos are made as well as a cliff-hanger and an author's note…. ))

"W-Wait a minute…the third circle…the G-Gluttonous with…C-C-Cerberus? Why me, God?" At the very last word, I heard some of the damned cry out and lament as we walked. All of sudden, I smacked into something with wavy copper tresses who cried out, "Ouch, watch where you're going!" "Oops…I'm so sorry about that." I shyly apologized as he muttered, "These are the only pair of winged sandals I have…" He grumbled as he dusted off his clothes….hold on! _Winged sandals? N-No, it can't be…_, I thought as I stuttered out an apology. "I-I-I'm s-s-s-s-s-so s-s-sorry! I-I-I d-d-didn't know….." I said in a panic, wondering what to do while my guides shuffled nervously behind me, not knowing what to do.

The Messenger of Olympus chuckled, "Don't worry about it, I'm fine. Oh, I came here to tell you something: Hades is on his way here; he'll help you get past the hellhound. As for you two lovebirds, neither of you can go past the ring of Gluttony or at least when Hades arrives; whichever comes first." "But I wanted to be a guide! No fair!" Matt whined childishly as Demi shrugged. "Fine…see you on the other side, Mai?" She sniggered as my first former guide grabbed my second former guide by the collar of his shirt. "Come on, Matty; we have a **lot** of catching up to do~!" She cooed as Matt was dragged off, wide-eyed and still in shock; as he was hauled, I could barely make him out, saying, "Lay a hand on my friend and I'll kick you to Coctyus, ya hear?" .

I broke the awkward silence, "Why are you suddenly my guide, Mercury?" "Hello, I escort Demeter's daughter from here to Olympus every year; _**of course**_ I know." He said with a confidant air as he floated a few inches above the ground while I walked. "Maiko, I give you the Third circle…the Gluttonous." He dramatically announced as I heard thunder-like growling ahead of me. My feet felt weird, as if I'd walked in something…. "What in the here is this garbage?" I asked as I attempted to shield myself as well as Hermes.

The messenger opened his mouth to enlighten me, but he was stopped by a pale hand. "Please let me explain things, _nephew_." Said a deep, silky baritone voice behind him as Hermes stood stiff as a board. _Wait, if the he-hooker of Olympus isn't here and Poseidon is somewhere else, then that means….oh, this is going to be awesome. _I could barely make out his 6'10 stature, the angular face, his strong nose, his claret red eyes, and his dark locks that reached his waist. _Dang it, Persephone gets the sexy god!_ As I wiped the drool from my face (thank goodness he couldn't see my 5 foot frame), I asked him, stuttering: "H-H-Hades…a-are y-y-you my other g-guide?" "Yes, I am." He paused, taking a moment to block Hermes' ears; "I also know that you've been…admiring me for sometime…I even know that you support me and my wife. For that, I shall assist you on your journey for your beloved." He praised as he tousled my hair, his pleasantly deep voice ringing in my ears.

"Okay, you two, break it up; wouldn't want to keep Persephone waiting, wouldn't we, _**Uncle Hades**_?" Hermes jokingly smirked as more sludge fell around us; I heard the growls growing louder and louder with each step I took. "Let me guess…C-Cerberus?" I meekly questioned as I heard giant footsteps approach the three of us. Hades emitted a low snarl as he attempted to calm down Hell's guard dog; Cerberus' snarls and howls died down to whimpers and whines as its master ventured closer. My foot bumped a lump of flesh; I bent down to look closer. _That hair…those eyes….that mustache….._"Wait, i-is that Wario? Okay, someone tell me what the here is he in Circle three…" "Simple. Wario is almost always seen eating garlic; hey, the guy even uses it as a weapon! Oh, speaking of which, Meiko, Kaito, and Kirby are in Purgatory as we speak. Can we move on? Yes? Alright, then; let's go." As Hermes took a single step, Cerberus growled as one of its heads lunged at him, jaws snapping. Hades, however, took an alternative; he took one lump of sludge and hurled into the hellhound's three jowls, coughing and hacking. "Shall we move on?" Hades asked, holding out his hand for me to take. "Uh, sure…wait a second, where's Hermes?" The Dark King said nothing as he pointed down to his right leg, to which Hermes was clinging, emerald eyes wider than dinner plates, muttering to himself: "_S-S-So s-scary….._" I chuckled, "Well, what's the next ring?" "Hermes answered, still traumatized, "The Fourth Circle, the Wrathful and the Sullen." _**Oh, great, a bunch of hotheads and mood-killers….**_


	6. Kidnapped?

((Quick note, folks. I made a mistake; the Fourth Ring holds the Wasteful and the Hoarders. Oops! Anyways, I don't own Inferno…or any of the books and/or manga and anime mentioned. Possibly, if I finish Inferno….I could either put up Purgatory OR I could make a story in Greek Mythology! One of these could be achieved if you REVIEW!))

After Hermes released his grip on his uncle's leg, I joked: "Enjoyed the ride, flyboy?" Before he could make a counter-attack, Hades hoarsely announced, "The Wasteful and the Hoarders….my province." He added with a hint of remorse. _It was Plutus who was assigned this blasted Circle, not me! I should be on my throne, waiting for her…_, the Dark Lord snapped himself out of his thoughts as his nephew waved a hand in front of his face. "Hey, Uncle Hades; snap out of it! What's the matter? We still have to explain!" Hermes informed him as Hades came back to his senses. "Oh, r-right; this is the fourth circle, where the wasters and hoarders in life reside after death…." The hairs on the back of my neck stood up; suddenly I felt a hand clamp around my mouth as I saw black… "Huh?" Hades wondered where I was, when he said to his winged nephew: "Hermes…where is the lady?" _Oh, so I'm 'the lady' now….. _As for me, I couldn't tell who pulled me back; all I heard were voices… "Oh, that's fantastic; you hurt her!" One angry female voice complained while another replied meekly: "I-I'm sorry…wait a minute, you didn't do squat! It's **my** turn to yell now! I was told: 'Get the girl'; what did I do? I got the girl, so, I just have one thing to say to you, babe." "What?" The female voice asked, thoroughly ticked off. "You lost the game!" He jeered, hooting and hollering. "Yeah yeah yeah, pipe down or else I'll have the Wrathful deal with you, _honey_." The feminine voice retorted, obviously sounding intent on making her threat true.

Fearing the female's words, the male quickly (and wisely) shut his trap. My eyes opened to reveal two pairs of eyes on me, one emerald, the other a bright ruby. "Huh….?" I muttered; I was too dazed to say pretty much anything at the moment. I struggled to stand on my two not so dainty feet and somehow walk back to where the King and Messenger stood…but was pushed back down by two sets of hands. The male with green eyes also had a mess of red hair on his head-hold on a minute! _Does this mean….those jerks! They kidnapped me! Those traitors; I wonder if there's a special Circle for traitors*….._ I thought with a hint of malice as the female chuckled. "Don't worry, kid; you'll be headed to where you were…soon." She punctuated with a mischievous grin that could make a Cheshire Cat proud…or be put in the shade. "Who are you..?" I asked, still a bit dizzy; "I'm Ma—" He was cut off by a hand clamped over his mouth. "Never mind him, girl. Anyway, you should be getting back now; those two are probably worried about you." She said as the familiar-looking gentleman (my vision was still hazy) pulled out a DS and began to play.

As I walked away, the redhead waved good-bye as he saluted; "Bye! See ya! Say hi to Sasuke and Mello for me!" This time, surprisingly, he didn't get a hand slapped over his mouth. "See you in the next five Rings, girl!" Were the female's last comprehendible words as I wobbled back towards the avaricious ring. As soon as Hermes caught sight of me, he walked over (to you mortals, he RAN!) to me, shook me by my shoulders, and repeated: "Where were you? Are you okay? What happened?" "Aw, flyboy cares about me~!" I teased. "Nope; it's just that….you're precious cargo, that's all." He lied, pulling out the ever so handy Tough Guy card. I heard a crowd of people shouting 'Why waste?' and another shouting 'Why hoard?' "Umm, explain?" I asked. "Haven't you read the _Divine Comedy_, mortal?" Hermes retorted. My mental gears were clicking…..*ding!* "The Wasters might be the people who bought stuff just because it was there; the Hoarders may as well be those who bought and never used—is that ?" As I predicted, there stood the penny-pinching crab wearing rags as he shouted, 'Why hoard?' as he heaved the weight against those who wasted while they pushed back. I tugged at one of Hades' sleeves; "Umm, what's the next circle?" I timidly asked as he answered: "Next is the Fifth Circle on the river Styx, The Wrathful and The Sullen." He answered.


	7. King Mello, Medusa, and Demi's return!

((Sorry about the wait! I had *shudder* homework. Curse you, high school freshman year! Anyway, I don't own Dante's Inferno, or any of the books, manga/anime, or deities mentioned. Enjoy~! Oh, and REVIEW! Constructive critics allowed! Two Circles in ONE day; I'm on fire~!))

As we moved on to climb aboard Phlegeas's skiff, Hermes explained, "Here's why the wrathful and the sullen are here in this one circle; the wrathful had their temper tantrums, while the Sullen either suppressed theirs or were too gloomy to either let out their tantrum or do anything. The hotheads are punished by duking it out above the Stygian rivers while the Sullen gurgle sad hymns beneath the surface. Speaking of duking, check out who's the king of the hotheads!" The messenger joked as he pointed to a blonde man who just threw another person into the swampy waters. "How do you like me now, punks? Who is the _King_?" He jeered as the Sullen gurgled, "**You are….**" As their voices bubbled monotonously under the Stygian swamp as he came closer to the boat. _That hair….a-and that scar…._ "Oh, man, of all people…Mihael Keehl, what the here are you doing?" I half-screamed my question as I shivered in apprehension of what might come next as the PMSing chocoholic waded through the marshes to the skiff.

"Heh, have you even _looked_ at my life, Mai? It's **so **obvious why I'm here…and why I'm _still_ King!" He proclaimed as he hurled Raphael the Ninja Turtle into the marsh, only to come back and battle another soul. Another blonde rose to the surface with bite marks on his neck, arms that weren't covered by the orange sleeves of his hood jacket, and his shoulders. "Stupid punks can't take me on…" He grumbled in an Australian accent. _You're pulling my leg here!_ "N-N-Numbuh Four? No way! I mean, it-it's obvious why he's here, but…." Before I could finish, Wallabee Beatles (that's Numbuh 4's real name, just so you know...) made a run for the skiff with a crazed look in his eyes; before he could climb aboard, he was dragged underneath by the Sullen like something out of a horror film, thrown into the air, and landed in front of the so-called 'King' Mello. "So…you're trying to move in on my turf, huh?" 'King' Mello asked with a sadistic tone in his voice. "Yeah, what's it to, ya, King of the _Jerks_?" Beetles retorted angrily, getting a bit too close to the scarred half of Mello's face. "I can think of a few good reasons…." He growled as he tackled Beatles, the two thrashing and biting as punches were thrown. "Ten bucks says that Wally wins." Hermes said after five minutes of silence; "Twenty bucks says that Mello wins." I countered with a grin. In the end, after an hour-long brawl, 'King' Mello kept his crown. "Pay up, flyboy~." I smirked as Hermes groaned, fishing a 10 dollar bill out of his pocket and handing to me.

During this brawl, the Dark King had morphed into a large panther, which was actually five times the size of a normal panther. "_**Anyway**_," Hades cleared his throat, golden yellow eyes glowing impatiently; "We have to keep moving." "Where do we head to next, Uncle?" Hermes asked. "We move on to Nether-Hell, the lower regions, which happens to be inside my city*. It won't be long now…"

Before long, the three of us reached a fort-like gate that, in the world above, could reach almost 100 feet tall as I attempted to crane my neck as far back as it could go without breaking it. "I don't think t-that's such a good idea, kid…" Flyboy said, voice shaking in worry and fear as he pointed toward statues of men and women frozen in stone, forever paralyzed by…. A shrill shriek sounded not a few hundred feet above us as we spotted three 'attractive'(note the sarcasm) women with writhing serpents for hair, huge bat wings, coupled with fangs and bloodstained faces…yep, these _lovely ladies_ will get hitched in _no time_. "We should've caught Perseus when we had the chance…" One on the left hissed while other continued, "Yes, he was _soooo__ cute~._" She cooed while the one in the middle murmured to herself: "I knew I should've called Medusa…" Unfortunately, her sisters heard her; "Yes, yes", they chattered among themselves, "Let's call on Medusa; she'll take care of them…" "Hades pulled me aside and told me: "Look at Hermes; he's pulling his hair in front of his eyes. When Medusa arrives, whoever she looks at (or vice versa) will turn to stone, stuck in Inferno for eternity." "But…h-how do I…?" I asked, nervous about how to protect myself. A far-off screech could be heard; Medusa was coming. "Don't worry; I'll help you." Hades kindly offered. The hissing of a multitude of snakes could be heard as well as a soft, demonically feminine chuckle. "_**You fools think you can escape me? I see no heavenly messenger here; any last words before I turn you lot to stone?**_" She rhetorically asked as two voices piped up in unison: "We have a few last words, you crone." All eyes (minus Medusa's) turned to the owners of the voices: Matt and Demi. "Oh, look it's the lovebirds!" I teased; "Being unfaithful, are we, Maiko?" Demi countered as I noticed the way Hades had his hand on my face. "Oy, he was helping me protect myself from _her_." I responded, jerking a thumb at Medusa. "No need to worry, folks! I know how to drive them off; hey, look, it's Justin Bieber!" Matt pointed to a soul who, unfortunately, resembled Bieber (*coughBEAVERcough*) and could only watch as the three snake-hags and Medusa hounded him for an autograph. Demi, however, floated down to where we were, walked over to the gates, and simply nudged the door open with a single pinky; why? Because she's epic like that, that's why. After witnessing the epic event, the Dark King and the Olympian Messenger could only do one thing: stare slack-jawed while Demi said, giggling, "Ladies first~." As I, fearfully walking inside the infernal city saw nothing but flaming tombs and burning tombstones. "Welcome to the Land of the Heretics." Demi saluted as Hades, Matt, and Hermes went after me.


	8. The Minotaur and the Malebolgia

((Part 2 for Circle Six: the Heretics and maybe Part 1 for Circle Seven: the Violent. (Sarcastic)I own everything mentioned in this chapter…-_-))

As my face felt as if it were seared by the heat of the tombs' flames, Demi jokingly announced, "Lady and Gents….and Hermes…." "Hey!" Hermes whined. She glared a response that read, 'Shut up or else' and guess what? He shut up. "_Lady and Gents…_" She commenced again with clenched teeth. "Welcome to the Sixth Round, residence of the Heretics." "So, what's up with the flaming tombs and stuff?" I nonchalantly asked as Hades and Demi answered in turn, "These tombs have lids; the lids will be placed on the tombs come Armageddon." Hades started as Demi picked up, "The tombs contain heretics, people who denied God and believed that the body died with the soul…" Hades finished, "And sought finer pleasures in life. They also contain people who forced their religion on others, and some who even claimed they were God themselves. Fools…." Hades, still a panther, said, shaking his head slowly.

One all-too familiar voice called from one flaming tomb, "Hey, Mai-bozu*, what's going on?" _Oh Kami, not THIS joker!_ A voice interrupted angrily, "Hey, shut up, I'm trying to ******* burn in peace over here!" _Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me._ "Hidan….I thought you were immortal." I sighed as Hades asked, "Who's the potty mouth?" "Oh, his name's Hidan from the anime _Naruto_, a worshipper of an idol named Jashin. No wonder he wound up here…can we please get out of here? I'm sweating like crazy!" I said as Matt took off his jacket, obviously sweating himself.

As we exited, I caught a whiff of something terrible! "P.U." would be an understatement! "Okay, who ripped one? Was it you, flyboy?" I nasally exclaimed, holding my nose. "Nuh-uh! They did it! _J'accuse!_" Hermes accused, pointing at both Demi and his uncle Hades. "Please, spare me! I'm a **classy** lady…" Demi pointed out, unaffected by the odor (HOW?); "I'd excuse myself before doing such a thing." Hades added. "Hey, I found somewhere to hide until we can get used to the smell." I said, pointing toward a space wide and large enough for all of us to fit; after we all scrambled inside, a few minutes later, Hermes and Matt got bored, unfortunately for us. "I'm bored." Matt said lazily; "I'm _**way**_more bored than you, _lackey._" Hermes countered with a sneer. "What did you call me?" Matt said, already on the verge of attacking the messenger. "You heard me….._third place_." Hermes teased. "Look who's talking, the Olympian scapegoat**!**" Matt reacted. "Take that back right now!" "**NO WAY." **The redheaded game addict growled as the redheaded messenger pounced on him, the two punching and kicking. After 12 minutes of fighting, I said, "10 dollars on flyboy." "I bet 25 big ones on my Matty~." Demi giggled as Hades intervened: "40 dollars say that both will get knocked out." After nearly FIVE hours of fighting, the dust cleared; both redheads lay on the ground, covered in bruises, on their backs….knocked out. Dang! "_**Pay up~.**_" Hades snickered as Demi and I handed in 35 bucks to the Lord of Riches. Double dang!

Demi said, as she carried Matt on her back, "Let's get moving. Next is the Seventh ring, which holds the violent." "But nearly everyone is violent." I objected. "But this ring houses three kinds of violent people: the Violent to Others, the Violent to God and Nature, and finally, the Violent to Self." Hermes explained as I nodded in understanding. "But wait, who can be violent to God?" I questioned as Hades answered, "Simple; by blaspheming His name, they are considered Violent to God. Speaking of violent, this is Circle Seven, the first round, the violent to Others. Besides Alexander the Great and Attila the Hun, a few others may be found if you squint hard enough." What seemed to be a few hours later, we seemed to reach a rocky ridge where centaurs were circling, here and there above a pool of blood; I saw, as Hades predicted, Alexander the Great, Attila the Hun, including more modern murderers; the two gunmen of Columbine High*, the man who shot up Virginia Tech, as well as…."Holy snap, it's Hitler!" I pointed out as the Holocaust King gurgled and spat a blood-stained curse in German while I mentally threw a party in my head at this revelation. _At long last, HITLER IS IN HELL! It's about time! _Not only did I spy Hitler, I also spotted a huge, snorting Minotaur not so much as ten feet away! "Oh, great; how do we get past _that_?" I pointed out as Hermes strutted over to the human bull. _He's a dead man! Oh wait, he can't die…_ "Hey, Mino; I bet your dad wasn't as hideous like you were!" He mocked as the Cretean monster resounded a deadly growl; "Ha, I have a feeling you were half-asleep when you died; you couldn't even kick Thesus' butt, much less have fourteen teens for dinner!" The messenger continued while Matt gave a hidden signal to Nessus, about to let loose an arrow meant for Alexander the Great, who raised himself up one-fourth of an inch above his eyebrows. "What is it, twerp?" A grumpy Nessus grumbled, unable to punish the blood-drenched conqueror for the time being. "Help us cross over to the opposite side, where we can reach the Violent to Self." After a few minutes of thinking, the centaur replied, "Fine; but I'd better see Heracles wind up here after this little field trip!" Matt thanked him as we and Hermes made our escape; each tier of blood grew shallower and shallower until we had reached a small strip of land; I could barely see trees up ahead through my dirty glasses.

Soon, the five of us entered a forest of gnarled, twisted trees. "I think I know where we are…" I said warily; "Enlighten us, then." Hermes winced as he limped, still in pain from the fight with Matt; "We're in the Wood of Suicides, those who are violent to themselves. By committing suicide, they've destroyed themselves, and wind up here." I concluded as I went near a tree, my hand reaching out for a bough. The second I broke it off, a feminine screech resounded as blood-like sap flowed; "OUCH! Hey, Misa's still alive, you know!" "And look where you are now, a tree in Hell." I responded maturely.

If she were still alive, the 'Second Kira' could've screeched my ear off and I _**STILL**_ wouldn't care! "Oh, one more thing; could you send my heart out to my Light, pretty please?" She said in a sickly sweet tone of voice. Cue breaking point in 3….2…1…."_**THAT'S IT!**_ All you do is obsess and fan girl over Raito, Raito, Raito; it's driving me off the deep end! After all this time, even after you wind up as a _tree in Hell_, you still go crazy over him! In life, he didn't give a rat's whiskers about you, and I bet, even in death, he won't either! I swear, you _disgrace _to Gothic Lolita, that you had 'Sakura knock-off' written all over your face in life! For everything's sakes…!" Misa had nothing to say in response; the blood-sap had stopped flowing. As for the narrator, I had ended my little rant with a few inhales of much needed air as well as four pairs of eyes staring at me in surprise, shock, and awe. "Whoa…" Was all Matt could say; "Even my youngest brother has a calmer temper than that!" Claimed the Lord of the Dead; "Well, that was….entertaining." Said Hermes nervously, fearing that he might be my next target; "I've taught you well, _kohai_*; we'll discuss this later. Other than that, there's further more to the Seventh Circle than the Wood of the Suicides; there's also Phlegethon, which we've already gotten through….." Demi directed as Matt finished, "There's also the Plain of Sands to go through to reach Fraud*."

"Wait a minute! No one told me _anything_ about a Plain of Sands or Fraud….did I miss something while I passed out earlier?" I questioned, obviously confused as Hermes answered, making me even more frustrated: "You'll see."

Soon, the gnarled forest faded and gave way to a new phenomenon: burning sand. I was virtually speechless; _How in the here does sand burn? Oh wait, it's Hell; divine retribution, anything can happen because of God, et cetera._ "Remember our little discussion concerning the Violent to God?" Hades quizzed, shaking me out of my shock as the rest of my guides led me on. "Since you're still flesh and blood, you can't be harmed by the punishments of the Inferno. However, you **can** be hurt by those who distribute the punishment." Hermes explained; "For example, back in the City of Dis, the Gorgons can turn anyone who looks at them into stone including damned souls and the living; those who hail from On High* cannotbe frozen because they are celestial while the Gorgons are infernal. Do you understand me now?" The messenger finished as we walked.

"Why are there souls who walk while it's raining burning sand?" I asked, wondering why anyone would do such a thing. It _**is **_burning sand, after all. "Simple, kid: it is their punishment for being Violent towards God." Demi replied, taking my hand. "I understand blasphemy; is there…well, anything _else_ that counts as violence towards God?" I questioned as Hermes answered: "Well, there's sodomy, blasphemy, and usury. The sodomites wander around in groups, suffering the least, which are violent to Nature; the usurers sit on their haunches or crouch, violent to Art, while the blasphemers lay flat on their bellies or their backs, suffering the most as they are violent to God." He finished within a single breath. "So, anyone you know is here?" Matt asked as I shook my head 'no'; Demi led me to a cliff and said, "Drop something that's unnecessary to you." I looked through my bag to see what I didn't need; snacks (already down to one!), jacket (might need that), aha! After a few minutes of searching, I pulled out my large umbrella. _What was I thinking when I packed this?_ Demi grabbed hold of one end while I took the other; "1….2….3!" On three, we both chucked it over the Phlegethon waterfall that flowed and spilled over the cliff. All of a sudden, I heard a rumbling sound; there stood the face of a man you could trust with your own life but had the torso of some sort of lizard coupled with the wings of a dragon, and the tail of a scorpion. "Nice seeing you again, Geryon." Matt nonchalantly greeted as we all climbed onto its back, careful to avoid the monster's tail. I felt my ponytail whip around my neck and shoulders (and possibly hit Matt) and Geryon's wings began to flap; we began to descend into a spiral downward. This _**definitely**_ beats a roller-coaster! As we landed, I was a bit disappointed; I actually enjoyed the ride! "Can we go again?" Hermes looked at me as if I've sprouted two tongues; "She's like that…" Matt explained while Demi giggled as Hades smiled and patted my head, saying, "Not today, Young Miss…" As if he were a parent scolding a child. "Now, onto the sins of the Leopard, the sins of Fraud….. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the _**Malebolge**_.

((Review if you want to read more from me!

*_Kohai=_ Japanese term for "underling"

**Fraud= Circle 8, the Malebolge (Evil-Pouches/Evil-Pockets)

***On High= Heaven

****Look up 'Columbine High shooting' and you'll get the two people who DEFINITELY deserve to be put here.))


	9. Hell's Well and Antaeus Airlines

((Circle 8, the Malebolgia, the Evil Pouches! I do NOT own _Inferno_, or any characters mentioned_! I am SOOOOOO sorry about the wait; I was pulverized by homework and high school in my freshman year….THE AGONY! *faints* Matt: *attempts to revive me* Edit: 11-16-10…..my birthday is so close~! Hooray! Birthday reviews and constructive criticism are welcome!_))

"What does Malebolgia mean?" Demi asked as Hades and I answered, "'Evil Pouches' or 'Evil Pockets'." "This is the house of the Leopard's Sin, where Fraud resides; normal Fraud, to be precise. The Eighth Ring is composed of ten pouches, each housing one or more kind of fraudulent people; here come the panderers and seducers now." Hermes pointed toward two groups of people: one going clockwise, the other counterclockwise; both were driven by two demons carrying cat o' ninetails*. "The panderers and seducers end up here because they have given false affection…" At this, Hermes sighed, "I'd never thought that I would see the day…." He shook his head, walking over to a black-haired shade. The messenger grabbed the shade's locks and smacked him across the face; "How dare you to leave two worthy women who gave their hearts to you! How dare you leave your Argonauts to fare alone! You are not fit to be called a man; you are not even fit to be called a beast, you filthy pimp!" The messenger snarled at the shameful shade that bent his head even lower with each remark. As Hermes stomped back, he pointed at the shade whom I found to be Jason of the Argonauts; "_It_ deserves whatever punishment it gets." "For once, I agree with my nephew. Any man who leaves a woman behind, alone and with child, doesn't deserve to be called a man; he deserves to receive whatever treatment Hell has for him." Hades sighed, shaking his head. "Demi, kid…" _So, I'm 'kid' now? _"Give him an earful…" Hermes sighed as Demi grabbed my hand and marched over to Jason's shade. "Someone should teach you some manners!" Demi growled as I led on, "We should be treated like queens, but _**no**_, we're called inferior. Well, who's the inferior, _now?" _I ended with a left hook across Jason's face and marched to where we were. Hermes, however, went ahead of the rest of us; "Hey! Come over here, everyone; look at this." The messenger directed our gaze towards the Second Evil Pocket; "I **definitely** know which pit this is: the flatterers live here." "Oh, is that so? Show us what you know, if you will." Hades challenged as I stated, "The flatterers are placed here because they used false affection on others through words. I think I see someone over there…" I said, trying my best to scope out the person I spotted. Unfortunately, that person was buried in waste. "Speaking of waste," Hades observed, as if he were reading my mind, "This is the punishment of flattery; since their words in life were basically refuse, these silver-tongued snakes are simply wallowing in their own words." "Wow, what a horrible way to go…" Matt and Demi mused as they walked over to a rope bridge that obviously led to the Third Evil Pocket. "Follow the yellow brick road~." Matt teased as they waited for the rest of the group.

"What is held in the Third Pocket?" I asked, a bit fearful of what was to come, clinging to Demi's left arm as I walked. "Careful, kid, or you'll make me trip!" She exclaimed, nearly stumbling as she walked. "Anyway, the Third Bolgia holds the Simoniacs, those who mix money with the Church. Are any of you familiar with the use of indulgences?" Hermes quizzed as I nodded; "The indulgences were used as a type of forgiveness in order for God to forgive the buyer's sins, or the sins of the buyer's deceased ones." I answered as Matt confirmed. "Not to mention their punishment. Ever heard of the expression "Cold feet"?" The redheaded gamer pointed to a pair of burning metal feet, as I walked over to it. "Hey Benebot*, you finally made it! It's about time, too!" The burning soles exclaimed as I recognized their owner. "Err, excuse me, you have the wrong person-B-B-Bender?" I exclaimed, obviously shocked that a robot could even end up in a human's Hell. "Yeah, well, if you're wondering where Zoidberg is, he's probably next in line….or in Purgatory, the loser…." Bender grumbled as he kicked and pedaled his feet. "I don't care about Dr. Zoidberg, why are you here?" Well, apparently, Fry told me to learn something new; the thing I learned was selling hollowed out Bibles. So, here I am." He said nonchalantly as he whistled. "You know, the next person who comes here gets to take your place…" I started as Bender cheered, "I'm busting out? This is too sweet!" "_But_, you get to be pushed in deeper while that person takes your spot; the same will happen until Hell is sealed." I finished while Bender hollered as he kicked wildly, "WHAT? No way! Get me outta here!" "Hey, don't worry, robot, the Zap is here." Said a familiarly and all-too-arrogant voice. "I'm so sorry, Bender. I have to go!" I said quickly as I walked away, hearing Zapp Brannigan's bragging and Bender's laments and complaints.

I headed back toward the group, where Hermes raised an eyebrow in question. Before he could say anything, I said, "Zapp Brannigan and Bender from _Futurama_. You really need to watch more TV, flyboy." At this, Demi and Matt let out a flood of laughs and teases; "Dude, you got owned!" Laughed Matt as Demi cheered while high-fiving me, "Man, way to go! Even I couldn't have gone that far!" Hades simply smirked and said, "Let's keep going." As we walked past the niche where Bender's feet _used_ to be, I wondered what would happen if the last person were to be pushed in during Judgment Day, the very day Hell would be sealed. _I hope Tsunade and Jiraiya are happy together…..at least they have each other….._ I thought remorsefully as a dark aura formed around me. "Keep thinking negative thoughts, and they'll slow you down…" Hermes began as Demi added, "Keep thinking positive thoughts and you'll speed up a bit." "I'll keep that in mind…" I said as I heard the cries of those who were punished. "Their punishments are a bit ironic; when being baptized, holy water is poured onto your head. Here in Hell, unholy flames lick their feet, the pain growing by the simoniac's magnitude of what they've done on earth." Hades explained. "Ouch." Matt commented, walking with his and Demi's hands linked. "I've played the game _Dante's Inferno_ before; they never said anything about the Malebolgia!" He added in surprise. "Let me assure you, kid; this is _**nothing**_ like the game." Hermes said as he floated a few inches above the infernal ground. _Lucky…__**Hermes**__ gets winged sandals. Why can't I get a pair of those?_ "Someone's green with envy~." Demi and Hades chorused with twin smirks. "What do you mean? What is she jealous of?" The confused messenger questioned. "Oh, it's nothing, Hermes; nothing at all~." Demi giggled. "Now, let's move on to the Fourth Ditch, shall we?" Hades announced as we continued.

The path had gotten a bit rockier as we walked on; "Here are the fortune-tellers and diviners. They tried to see forward into the future in life, and so, in Hell, their heads are placed backwards." Demi explained as I point out, shocked, "Oh my goodness, it's Tiresias! But, wait….if he's here, then where is the Delphi Oracle or the Sibyl?" "The Delphi Oracle used fortune-telling under Apollo, the god of music and poetry." Hades explained as Hermes recalled, "Speaking of Apollo, that dude owe me 40 bucks! Just wait till I get my hands around that pretty-boy's neck…" He growled and muttered as he thought of payback plans. "**Anyway**….there's no need to worry about the Sibyl; he's over there." Matt observed, pointing towards a young man with wiry-looking blond curls hanging in his face and down his chest with dull, lifeless, burgundy eyes. "Whoa…" Was that all I could even say. "Being in Hell could do that to you, kid. The reason why these people wind up here is because they didn't even bother to ask for forgiveness from God." Matt explained sorrowfully. My tears threatened to spill out fear that I might not survive the journey out of this madhouse known as Hell; "Don't cry, Young Miss. A young woman never looks beautiful in tears." Hades said as he attempted to wipe my face; "Yeah, don't cry; you want to see your sweetheart, right?" Hermes said as he patted my back and Demi (the awesome partner in crime that she is) ruffled my hair. "Just think about anything good; remember what I said earlier?" She recalled as I stood up, feeling more confident than before. "Come on, you guys, let's continue; we're only in the Eighth Ring, after all. How many Circles do we have to go through now?" I asked Demi as she answered, "After the Malebolgia, we have the Ninth and final Ring at the bottom of the Eighth Circle; we'll get out of here soon." She happily reported as Hermes and Matt grinned. "So, what's next?" Hermes asked. "Simple, flyboy, the next part of the Eighth Circle is the Fifth Round, where the Barrators and Grafters are punished." Matt replied in a bit of a haughty tone. "Hey, do you want me to kick your sniveling butt _again_, lackey?" Hermes barked as Matt sneered, "I was kicking _your_ butt, you overgrown—"The bickering redheads were both stopped by Hades, who picked them up by their ears. "The both of you stop this persistent bickering! This is _**HELL!**_" The Lord of the Dead growled as his eyes turned a deep wine red while his temper flared. "H-Hades…could you…p-please cool down." I fearfully requested as his eyes faded from a deep ruby red to a sort of light claret red. "I'm sorry for scaring you, Young Miss." He gracefully apologized as Demi shrugged, "Eh, I've seen worse hotheads, Hades; you're _definitely_ not one of them."

Once we walked over the rocky ledge, I was expecting darkness and unseen punishment; I got the exact opposite. This was the only illuminated section of Hell; there were massive cauldrons filled with something sticky and black—possibly pitch or tar. At the top of the cauldrons were ugly goblins; some of them were so repugnant that I actually had to look away! "Well, let's go~!" Demi cheerfully declared with Hermes and Matt in tow. "I don't wanna be boiled…" I whimpered, clinging to Hades's cloak like a child clings to its parent. "It'll be fine. Just stay with me and you'll be alright." He assured as we ambled over to a certain cauldron, a familiar voice caught my ear. "Why is it always me? Why me, of all people? First, the Aburaya…now **this**!" A certain voice lamented. _Wait…why isn't she in the Fourth Ring? _"Wait here, please." I said as politely as I could while Hades nodded. I sauntered over to the cauldron and put the boot in it as hard as I could. "Yubaba, I _know_ you're not in there. Aren't you supposed to be with the Greedy and Avaricious?" I questioned as the bath crone* answered in a sneer, "Yeah, well, I was greedy, but I also had some…unpaid debts. How I paid them off….you don't even _want_ to know, you impertinent little wench." For this, I had no answer. Yubaba, all of a sudden, struggled to clamber up the side of the boiling cauldron to escape; at once, when she finally reached the top, the fiends guarding her grabbed at her with hooks and jagged spears. One of them, probably the leader, saw the rest of our group; "I've been warned about you. One of you is human; where is she?" He barked. Hades, along with Matt and Demi, brought me to him; he actually looked human! His mid-length, black waves blocked his sun-yellow eyes with slits; his canines were poking from his upper lip, all of which stood out against the black outfit he wore on pale skin. "I'm Malacoda*. My group, the Malebranche*, is guarding the old hag who had the gall to try and break out. Since the Malebranche is occupied, I'll lead you all into the—oh, no, not **this** one _again_!" As this, Demi smirked and said, "Did you miss me, Coda~? Aww, that was so sweet of you!" She teasingly giggled as she pulled 'Coda' into a strangling hug. "No, I _did not_ miss you—ack!—I'm trying to-gasp-lead you to the sixth ditch!" Malacoda gasped through the embrace as he attempted to free himself. Demi reluctantly let him go as Malacoda tried his best to breathe; Hermes looked at her as if she'd sprouted five arms, obviously shocked. "Nice one. 18 out of 20; your form could use a bit of work, though." Matt critiqued as Demi pumped a fist into the foul air. "Yes! 18, a new record!" She cheered as Hades picked up Malacoda by his tail. "Take us to the edge of this round or else." He said in a coolly calm voice. "Or else what?" Malacoda went a bit_ too_ close to his face. "Or else I'll cut off your tail, or use this..." At this, he picked up a pronged hook. "You _don't_ want to know 'what else' I'll do to you, _**underling**_. What is wrong with you, disrespecting a King, the King of the Greek Underworld, no less!" He grumbled as Malacoda collected himself and motioned for us to follow. Along the way, Hermes snuck up behind the unfortunate devil and whispered, "Getting trumped by my _uncle_? That must really hurt your ego for an_ underling!_" He yelled into his ear as Malacoda recoiled; he looked toward Matt in order to make the messenger stop, but..."Man, and I thought _**I**_ was lame!" The gamer and I both exclaimed in surprise as Hades smirked with a dark glow in his eyes, morphing into a large black wolf.

"Alright, you annoying freaks of nature—" He was cut off by a warning growl from the Wolf Formerly known as Hades. "_I apologize._ Your Highness, and freaks of nature, here is the bridge to the sixth Round. Enjoy." Malacoda said, dripping with sarcasm with a sly sneer on his face. _Something's up..._ Hermes thought as we went ahead. All at once we stopped at a rocky ridge...a _bridgeless_ rocky rigde. "I knew it! That snake in the grass tricked us! I knew something was wrong about the way he grinned..." Hermes growled as Demi shook her head, "Wait 'til I get my hands on him, that no-good, backstabbing...dang it, he owes me 100 bucks!" She exclaimed, the whites of her eyes beginning to darken. "Demi..." Matt started warily, "P-P-Please calm down..." I advised, also afraid of what could happen if Demi let her temper flare up...again..._in __**Hell**__, of all places!_ "Fine, I'm good. I just can't stand being tricked, _especially_ by Coda, that no-good, low lying, cheap backstabber!" She growled, her canines sharpening. This time, she was calmed by Hades, who simply put a clawed paw on her shoulder and said in an eerie voice, "They've told you _at least once...__**Calm down.**_" "Okay, okay, I'll calm down..." She said at last; "Is she always like that?" Hermes whispered. "Only when she's extremely furious." Matt and I responded as if it were nothing.

At this ridge, we had to help each other climb down an _extremely _stony edge(thanks a lot, Malacoda…); Matt nearly lost his footing and almost fell to a broken leg! "Are you okay, Matty?" Demi asked, coming to his side. "Y-Yeah, I-I-I'm fine, Demi….I just w-won't be walking right for a bit, that's all; it's just a scrape, is all. I'm fine…" Demi simply made a straight face and placed a hand over his so-called 'scrape' and, as swiftly as it formed, it vanished. "You can thank me later, Matty~." Demi giggled as she picked up her husband* and put him on her back. "That's absolutely **no fair**;why doesn't anyone do that for me?" Hermes complained in a spoiled brat-like tone, killing the mood. A single glower from me was just enough to keep him quiet….only for so long. Sooner or later, we reached the Sixth Bolgia; "So, what's _this_ bolgia made up of?" Matt asked Hades curiously. "You may have to ask your friend, your wife…or my nephew, Hermes; I don't know much about this contemptible bolgia except its punishment as well as the major sinner who's here." He responded, much to the gamer's dissatisfaction. "I think I know a bit about this part of the Evil Ditches; this Pocket houses the Hypocrites, those who did what they told others not to do. For example, I told a horde of citizens _not_ to drive in the middle of the road because it was law; but, in the middle of the night, while everyone was completely asleep, I jumped out of bed, hijacked a dark blue Bentley and drove like mad down the middle of a road…like how I told everyone not to. Get it?" I explained. "Um, yeah, I think I do." Matt said, holding on tighter to his wife. "Speaking of hypocrites, their punishment is to walk along a narrow path with beautiful cloaks lined with heavy lead for eternity." Hades began, but took a single breath and said, "That's not the only punishment we've yet to see." The remaining four of us turned to him with look that read, 'What'chu talkin' about?' The Lord of Riches sighed and continued, "There is one particularly _famous_ hypocrite that happens to be punished here; his name is Caiaphas. Sound familiar to any of you?" He questioned as a light bulb flashed over both mine and Matt's heads; "We've heard of him; he's mentioned in the Bible as he plots Jesus' crucifixion with the Pharisees." Matt stated. "What's he doing here?" I asked, obviously interested. "His reason for being here is simple. He advised his citizens to accept him, although he and the Pharisees plotted overnight for way to exterminate Jesus." Hades explained as he pointed with a paw, "There he is, down there." He couldn't have been more right!

An old-looking man, possibly in his late sixties, with nearly no hair on his head and dull, watery-looking eyes was dressed in fine clothes that an 18th century noble of any country could worn; he was pinned and tied to a crucifix on the floor, lying flat (not exactly) on his back while the other sinners squashed him as they walked along in their lead-lined cloaks for eternity. "Wow, being trampled by people wearing lead forever…." I muttered to myself. "That's one way to go…" Hermes, Demi, and Matt murmured simultaneously. All at once, I spotted two familiar-looking faces underneath the hoods of the cloaks. Against everyone's word of warning, I ventured over to the cloak-wearing pair; I threatened to pull back their hoods as I questioned who they were. "Wait! Please! Don't reveal us, I'm begging!" A feminine voice pleaded. "And why shouldn't I reveal your faces?" I asked. "Because you wouldn't, the kind-hearted person you are…" The female hypocrite muttered. _I KNOW she's not trying to trick me! _"Well, I don't have to show your faces; I already know who you are. And since the two of you are already in Hell, I won't have to torture you any further. Goodbye…" I said calmly, going back to where the others stood. "That was very mature of you, Young Miss." Hades praised as I asked, "What's in the Seventh Ditch?" "Oh, that's easy. We're headed toward the Thieves." Matt, Hades, and Demi answered simultaneously. "And the punishment is…?" I asked, already curious; "You'll see when we get there." Hermes assured me, much to my annoyance. As we climbed up another hard ridge, I asked the dreaded question: "Are we there yet?" _Ha, it's payback time!_ I thought as a royally ticked off Matt answered through gritted teeth, "No, no we aren't….yet." Hades chuckled, "Be patient, Miss. We have plenty of time." Demi took me by the hand, threw me over her shoulder, and climbed to the top of the ridge. "Lo and behold, we're here." She blatantly announced and she placed me down gently; at once, I heard a hissing noise, almost like a…."_Snake!_" I frightfully exclaimed as I spotted one of the longest black snakes (possibly a Mamba snake) I've ever seen! "Calm down." Matt said as he handled the snake in his arms. "Matt!" I exclaimed, scared; "What are you, cracked?" Hermes shouted in shock as he stared at the large snake in Matt's arms. "Don't worry, I'm already dead. It won't hurt me…" He said, setting it down gently and watched it slither off. "Speaking of snakes, take a look at this." Hades said, his raven's talons scraping the top of the ridge at last; I saw a large group of people with their hands tied behind their backs with serpents that looped around their bodies. "Um…..I c-c-can't g-go i-i-in t-there…." I stated, afraid. _There's no way I'm going in there! _"What's the matter, squirt; are you scared~?" Hermes teased, shaking my shoulders as Demi tried her best not to strangle him right then and there. Hades, sensing my discomfort, simply said, "Don't worry, Young Miss. The snakes in Hell won't harm you if you're next to us; there's no need to be scared. How about this…" The Lord of Erebus said, pulling me close to him with one black wing (while I blushed a light pink); "You can just stay close to me. How does that sound~?" He offered as Hermes cooed, "Aww~, isn't that cute! I thought you were married, Uncle; what happened to Lady Persephone?" He smirked as Hades tried to peck at his nephew's head, obviously annoyed. "Persephone is waiting for him at the Earthly Paradise; that is as far as he goes. As for Demi and I, we can venture between realms whenever we like." Matt explained as he led on.

As we headed down the hard, rocky ridge, I stayed as close to Demi and Hades as I possibly could. "I think I see someone…" I murmured to myself, scanning the pit. All of a sudden, I spotted someone I once knew in life; the elder woman had large yet dull coffee eyes, dark hair that swept just past her shoulders, ragged clothes, and her fair skin was grimy. "Whoa, Dianne, what happened to you?" I asked, a bit disgusted with my former fallen friend's appearance. "This is what happens to thieves when they fall in to this Ditch, especially to those have stolen plenty in their lives. By the way, who is this?" Hermes questioned as he eyed my former friend. "This is my ex-friend Dianne." "Wait a second….._Ex_-friend?" Matt and Demi questioned as I answered with negative nostalgia; "The two of us hung around each other a lot; we both weren't exactly the highest rung on the school ladder. I actually thought that she was pretty cool…until that one day. Why don't **you** tell them what happened, _**old friend**_?" I said in a sweetly sick tone through gritted teeth as I fisted a bit of my ex-friend's hair. "I think you guys might wanna step back…" Demi began as she practically dragged them at least 20 feet away. "You don't want to be near her when she gets upset; _**trust me**_." The slightly panicky shinigami girl warned as she backed away. Dianne sighed and began, filled with shame and embarrassment, "It wasn't too long ago when I committed my first theft; I walked into the store with a hidden pocket knife. I didn't know what I was doing…" She was cut off by me; "Liar! You little traitor! Tell us the truth; the **real **truth…or else." I growled, wrenching her hair in my fist. _This wench had better not lie…_ "I-I-I really didn't k-know what I was doing; later on, I wanted more and more things for myself. I couldn't stop once I started—" I hollered, my face dark pink with fury as I my grip on her locks grew tighter. "And that's what got you swimming with the snakes! No wonder you gave me all of that nice stuff; I can't believe you! You didn't even tell me, much less, your parents!" I raged, striking her across the face. As she recoiled, (coil and snake? Get it?) She reacted by showing 'the finger' at me as well as to God; "I hope you join me, or at least freeze your butt off*…" She hissed at me, then turned her eyes heavenward; "Just wait! Lucifer will prevail in the end, he will; I'll make sure of it come Judgment Day!" She growled at the Heavenly Father then turned back to me and my group. "Get out of here, you no-good, low-lying witch! I hope I never see you or your little friends again!" Dianne struggled to free herself from her serpent bonds while repeatedly flipping me as well as my friends off, cursing all the while. _Whoa, the chick was probably 24 when she croaked and I __**still**__ act more mature than her! Take that, Dianne! But still, we did have some good times…..but, those days are over. Those days are old, dead, and gone….LONG gone. _Demi mentally advised me, _"No, focus, Erica*! You still have to go through Ditches 8, 9, 10; just keep going, and everything will be fine."_ I shook my head to forget about the whole Dianne ordeal and gave my partner in crime a simple yet silent thank-you. "So, what's in the Eighth Ditch?" I asked. Hades answered, "In the Eighth Ditch, there are those that deceived through false counseling." "How did—" I was stopped by the redheaded gamer. "You'll see when we get there. Be patient."

At length, the five of us endured a long yet unstable rope bridge; below, I began to spot what seemed like fireflies in a chasm. "Hey Demi, I didn't know that there were fireflies in Inferno." I pointed out as Hermes said, albeit a bit annoyed, "That's because there _aren't_ any fireflies in Hell, you simpleminded—" He was cut off by an angry shinigami girl; "I _**dare**_ you to call her something. Go on, flyboy; say something." Hermes was about to make a comeback when he was stopped by his Uncle, perched on Matt's left shoulder. "We're in the Eighth Ditch, everyone. Here is where the False Counselors reside." Boomed the Lord of the Dead as he flew overhead and circled a soul who was engulfed in flames; "I'm thinking that this is their penalty." Demi said as she put her husband Matt onto the ground, curious to see who gave false teachings. "No…." I muttered to myself. Matt walked over to me; "What's the matter?" He asked, concerned. I was so shocked that I simply pointed to a flame where not one, but _three_ souls were clothed in flame. "Who are they?" Demi asked as she walked over to the three. _Don't do it, Demi…._ I thought, fearful of what they might do to her. My friend's finger skimmed the highest point of the blaze as it took a mind of its own and wrapped itself around her index finger. "I think it likes you…" Hermes pointed out, chuckling as he helped free Demi's finger form the flame's clutches. With a simple pull, he said, "I'm not how I always act, you know." One of the three souls spotted me and screamed as if Beetlejuice himself was next to him; "Get away from us! How dare you find us out and foil our plans; get out of our sights!" "Ha, you're one to talk; you three lowlifes mislead me, got me in trouble with my family…do you even know how hard it was to earn their trust back? _Do you?_" I inquired as the soul in the middle attempted to lash out at me, but failed. "Despite my being corporeal, I can't be touched or harmed, so I have three words, one for each of you: In. Your. Putrid. _Faces!_" I gloated as I danced around the three flaming spirits, laughing. _That's odd; I felt like flooding this place with tears when I saw the two Star Crossed Sannin, but now I'm actually gloating….. What's happened to me since I got here? _"For one, that was **four** words." The first soul corrected with an air of arrogance, his dark hair halfway burnt off of his head and black eyes searching for something—or _someone_- to use against me. "Secondly, why are you even here? You're mortal, for God sakes!" The second hissed, her sandy locks whipping out at me along with her share of flames. "This girl is here for a divine mission; that is all you'll need to know." Hermes snapped before the third could say anything else. "Let's continue, shall we?" Matt asked as he led me away from the three flaming souls, entwined eternally.

"Hermes…?" I asked sheepishly as I tapped his shoulder; "You don't need to thank me, squirt. Now, Uncle Hades, what is held in the Ninth Ditch?" The Olympian messenger inquired as we walked to yet another unsteady rope bridge. _If I see another rope bridge again, I'll going to lose it altogether and destroy it completely! _Hades answered, "Don't be so impatient—" "I'll be happy to tell you guys!" Demi butted in, her usual hyper self. "The Ninth Evil Ditch is where those who instigated scandal and schism are punished. Trust me, kid; I think you might want to look away once we get there…" The shinigami detective advised me, her voice filled with concern. "Why's that—" I was cut off by Hades, who reprimanded me in a sagely tone as he rested on my shoulder, still a raven. "Listen to your guide, Young Miss." I nodded obediently as I saw a drawbridge with a demon guard blocking our path up ahead. "None shall pass unless assigned or otherwise. State your names, purposes, and positions, if you have any." He half-hissed with sluggish abandon as his gray tail took a life of its own and split from its owner! I pointed stiffly, obviously freaked out to no end; "Um, s-sir…..your tail…it's—" "I know. It always does that; this is the sixth time this century, a personal best!" The demon guard praised its tail as it slithered into its master's hand. "I am Hades, Lord of the Greek Underworld, and am acting as a guide unto Purgatory for a mortal girl." Hades stated, now humanoid in dark robes and a silver crown perched onto his head; "I'm Demi, gold-rank shinigami, acting as guide to Purgatory for my friend." Demi chimed; "Mail Jeevas*, former _capo mafia_*, acting as a guide to Purgatory for my pal here." Matt announced boldly, patting my head (he's taller than me); "Hermes, Olympian messenger, acting as a guide to Purgatory for this young lady." Hermes said as he ruffled my hair (how come only Demi-nee and I are the only shorties?); "My name is Erica, human student; on a heavenly mission to find my sweetheart in _Paradise_." I declared, my voice sounding a bit too bold, even for me. The demon guard held his gut and laughed his butt clean out onto the floor; "The Lord of Riches, helping a girl? A _mortal_ girl, no less! Now I've seen everything…" He chuckled, his silver hair falling in front of his face as he stood to his feet. "Okay, I'll let all of you pass…" Demi, Matt and I high-fived each other at this news; "On one condition, for each of you: you never journey through here again," He said, pointing a sausage finger at me; "_You_ tworeturn to your posts…." He aimed his eyes at Hades and Hermes, who waved a joking 'hello'; "And _**you two**_…" He pointed at Demi and Matt with his tail, "You two just plain give me the creeps…" The demon guard (as well as his Santa Claus belly) shuddered as he opened a small gate, and said with a sarcastic chuckle, "Ladies first." The five of us crossed with no problem (Demi was piggybacked by Matt. Back off, Matt fan girls; he's happily married.); sooner or later, we met with the Ninth Evil Ditch…literally; the instant my foot stepped onto the last board of the drawbridge, the other half of the bridge that we were on took a mind of its own and catapulted us through the air and fell onto the lip of the ditch. As soon as my face was finished becoming acquainted with the ground, I lifted my head only to have my eyes covered by Hermes' hand. "Trust me; I don't think you'll want to see this, squirt." He advised, his hand still clamped over my eyes. "What are you talking about? I'm old enough to see what's going on; I can handle it!" I argued, struggling to release the messenger's grip over my eyes. "Okay, whatever you say, Erica. But, if it gets to be too much for you, run to any of us, got it?" He asked as his other hand gripped my shoulder a bit too tightly. "Fine; I'll let you guys know if I get too…_**scared **_when I see it. Now, Mercury, if you would be _so_ kind as to let me go." The redheaded messenger complied as I saw what lay ahead of me; there stood a daemon (she-demon, just so you know.) with a 10-foot-long sword that seemed to be attached to her wine-red hand; her choppy silver bangs and dark circles under her eyes that seemed to compliment her scarlet skin; she wore gray rags sewn into a dress which sews itself whenever it was cut by her sword. _OH MY GOSH!_ I thought as I watched one person being split down the middle by the daemon as she squeaked an apology, "Oops! Sorry about that…" I walked over to her, trembling and obviously scared spit less, asking her why was doing this. "Oh, that's simple; I was assigned this job: Severing and splitting those who had caused separation and schism in life. These people walk around in a circle; when the next person comes up, I cut them up according to the magnitude of their actions in life. Sometimes I get a bit clumsy and do a bit more damage than I'm supposed to…" She tittered, fidgeting a bit.

After a few minutes of talking, slicing, dicing, and chatting, I convinced the daemon to show us to the Tenth and final Ditch until I spotted someone familiar: _Those eyes…that dark hair…..you're joking._ I walked over to the very spider demon that had started the shattering feud between a certain clay miko and a certain hot-tempered inu-hanyou. "Nice seeing you here, Naraku. How's everything?" I asked nonchalantly as I circled him. The best response that he could come up with was a snarl and a glare, followed by the 'manliest' scream ever heard in the history of history's history. After witnessing the spider-puppet being diced, I decided to have a bit of fun. "Hey, look over there!" I exclaimed, pointing somewhere else; Naraku turned his head to see, well, _one_ of the banes of his life (if he HAD one): The clay miko herself, Kikyou. "So we meet yet again, silly little _ningen_* girl." She sneered, her brown eyes barely brushing me as she glared at Naraku, watching him with a sadistic smile as he was being sautéed all over again. "Zip it, hag! At least I'm not made of Clay-Dough; I _still _have **my** man! How's yours? Oh, wait! He's probably somewhere else, with someone _real_." I boasted as she lunged out at me; luckily, it was now her turn to be slit. I said as I walked toward the daemon, "Where's the escort?" "Oh, she's right over there." She said, pointing her sword toward a lithe, 7 or 8 year old, white-haired albino girl that looked like a cross between Nate Rivers* and Hyuuga Hanabi. "My name is Suki, and I'll be your escort into the Tenth Ditch and onto the Well of Giants, but, that's as far as I can take you." She said in a slightly cute, monotone voice. I took her by the hand and led her toward the group; "This is Suki; she'll take us to the Tenth Bolge as well as a place called the Well of Giants." She smiled a shy smile and hid behind me…until she spotted Hades, that is. Like a magnet, she pulled herself toward the Lord of Riches and said in a shocked whisper, "Master….is…is that really you?" Hades smiled and said as he morphed into a panther. "I was beginning to get worried about you. You know very well that you have an Alice in you." "What does he mean—" Hermes cut off Demi's question with an answer: "Ever heard of _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_? Well, Hades is saying that Suki is like Alice: curious." "Oh, that makes sense, then. Anyway, let me tell you something about the Tenth Ditch; try to be careful around its residents. They can get a _bit_…..err, delirious at times." Matt advised as he put a hand on my shoulder. "We must get going. We don't have much time." Suki said in her calm monotone voice. "What do you mean, 'we don't have much time', Suki?" I asked, a hint of panic in my voice; Suki replied, "We are supposed to leave Hell on the autumn equinox, reach Earthly Paradise on Halloween, and get to Heaven on Christmas or New Year's, if we miss Christmas." The girl calculated, playing with the edges of her white Lolita dress that never seemed to get dirty.

A few minutes later, saying nothing, the five of us (plus Suki) set off towards the Tenth and final (Thank Kami) Evil Ditch. Matt announced, with a smirk, "Ladies, Gentlemen….and Hermes." Hermes was about to object when my foot 'accidentally spasmed', kicking Hermes in his left calve. "Oww—" Hermes shouted in pain but was stopped by his uncle. "Hermes, stop provoking the Young Miss; Miss Erica, stop harming my nephew…no matter how funny it might be." He added with a chuckle. "Let's just get going. Anyways, the Tenth Ditch of Evil is where the falsifiers are kept." Hermes said as he half-limped alongside Suki. "The falsifiers are put into four classes: Falsifying Words, Falsifying Metals, Falsifying Coins, and finally Falsifying People." Demi said, piggybacking Suki as the girl continued, pointing up ahead, "Oh, look, a toll booth. Who's paying?" The little girl asked as everyone (yes, even yours truly) fished through their pockets. Hades pulled out two onyx stones, three rubies, and one medium sized diamond. "Will these cover the fee?" He said, as if the precious stones in his hand were pennies and nickels! Persephone, you are one _**lucky **_Queen of the Underworld. While Matt and I stood watching with our mouths gaping wide enough to fit Gluttony from FMA inside, Hades basically walked to the booth and paid the fare. "Halt!" A deep voice called from within the booth. A head full of violet tresses poked out of the tiny toll booth, saying, "You can pass, Milord…but _they_ have to stay behind or go back." The voice proclaimed; its owner proved to be neither male nor female. "The mortal girl is on a divine mission. You **must** let her pass, as well as the others." The Lord of Riches bargained while the mauve-locked voice demanded, "Why should I?" "They, as well as myself, are assisting her on this journey through the afterlife." He stated, his patience growing shorter as his canines and claw grew sharper while his eyes began to glow honey-gold. The unholy specter saw this and began to weaken; "O-Okay, Milord, Ruler of Erebus; you and your friends can pass….!" It said as it ducked its head back into the toll booth before the Erebian Panther could take a swipe at it. "Well…? What are we _standing_ here for? _**Let's keep going**_!" The panther-King of the Greek Underworld roared over his shoulder at the rest of us. "Hades, I think you should calm down…" Hermes said, a bit frightened as he pointed to a cowardly authoress hiding behind him, shaking like a leaf in a storm. "Forgive me, Miss. I didn't mean to frighten you…" Hades trailed off, feeling upset that he scared me (and possibly Matt). "I-I-I-It's o-o-okay…." I managed to say before I fainted, a deep rouge painting my face.

After what seemed like a few hours, I woke up in Demi's arms (if she could actually carry me, she has the strength of the strongest character I know: the Vocaloid Meiko Sakine/MEIKO.), confused. "Where…..Where am I…?" I asked in a daze, my vision still hazy as I tried to clean my glasses. "Look who's waking up. Don't worry; we're almost there. We got through almost all four of the falsifiers; only the Falsifiers of Words are left." Hermes informed as I struggled to walk, despite my jelly-like legs. "Hey, be careful, Erica. I don't want you to break anything, understand?" Matt said cautiously as he and Suki ran to my side, helping me steady myself as I ambled along to someone familiar: Hatsune Miku. "Hermes, can I have my payback _now_~?" I begged with my best puppy eyes. After a solid ten minutes of 'please' and 'can I~?', the Olympian Messenger finally gave in; "Oh, all right. Go and have fun, but don't get _too_ carried away, you hear?" Mercury advised, smirking as he watched me dance around the leek lover with gleeful revenge. "_Oh, Miku, hello there; long time, no see! I have arrived! Guess what I have~!_" I singsonged, skipping around her with vengeful happiness; "What is it? Is it water; I hope it is…" The vocaloidess sighed with a cracked tongue, bloated belly, and smoking frame—no, seriously; she was _literally_ smoking!—as I asked Demi why she was bloated, already WAY past dead from thirst, and currently being slow-cooked for eternity. "Oh, that's simple; that's her punishment, her being one of the Queens of Falsehood and all that good stuff. Every Falsifier receives a different punishment: for example, pretend that I was a world-class liar, bit the dust, and went to Hell; all my life I lied, so my tongue basically cracks to the point of it falling out as my punishment. There's a saying that brought this about: 'The power of the tongue can bless or curse'." Demi explained as I reached into my bag, got out a leek, and told Demi to get out my iPod. "Did you find the song yet?" I asked; "Yup! Let's do this!" Demi cheered as she turned up the volume as the song 'Ilevan Polka' played and I did what any sensible Vocaloid fan would've done: waved the leek up and down to the beat….over Miku's head. As the song finished, I curtseyed as I asked with a chuckle, "That was fun. Now, can we all _please_ get going now?" "Very well, then; let's continue onto the Well of Hell!" Suki declared, leading the ragtag group composed of two shinigami girls, a Lord of the Greek Underworld, a current resident of Limbo(and husband of a shinigami/former _capomafia/_current gamer), and a mortal authoress.

After what seemed to be a few hours, I spotted a group of towers overhead. "Is this a new infernal city or something?" I asked, pointing at one tower randomly. Hades morphed into a raven and flew towards the gigantic towers that put both Mount Everest as well as New York's Empire State Building to shame. When he descended and perched on Demi's shoulder, Hades squawked: "Sorry to bust your bubble, Young Miss, but those are _definitely_ _**not**_ towers, and these groups of towers don't make up an infernal city, I'm afraid." "Well, then, what **are** they?" Matt asked with a voice full to the brim with curiosity. "Walk closer and you'll get your answer." Suki, Hades, and Demi replied in unison as Matt and I walked towards the 'towers'—Wait, did I say 'towers'? I meant '_**giants**_'. All Matt and I could do was gawk with our mouths hanging open, heads hanging back. "I wonder if I can talk to this one." I said to Matt as I walked over to one of the taller looking giants; "_**Hello~!**_" I called with my hands cupped around my mouth. "Mthsoufndoajfkcd, mndhgksuvvgdhcjd." The giant replied as I stood confused.

"What?" I asked. _What in the here is up with him?_

"."

"Okay!" I replied as I walked back to the others. "You didn't understand a word he said, huh?" Mercury asked flatly, arms folded over his chest. "Nope, I didn't." I responded in the same tone. "Before it escapes my memory, that giant you just 'talked' to; he's Nimrod." "By his language, he _is_ a bit of a nimrod, now that you mention it—" I was cut off by my partner in crime as she said, "No, I think what Matty means that the giant's name is Nimrod. In the Bible, he's the person who built the Tower of Babel to Heaven, but failed; he also failed in uniting the world with one language. Ironically, his punishment is to speak in a language that not even he understands; those who speak don't get what he's trying to say and he doesn't get what they're saying; you get what _I'm_ saying, kid?" Demi said, smiling as she slung an arm around my shoulders. "Yes, I don't think I do understand what you're not saying…." I murmured, obviously confused as I held my pounding head with both hands. "Don't worry; she gets me with that too." Matt said, patting my shoulder and handing me an Advil and a bottle of water (hooray~!). "I remember those two all _too_ well." Hades said with a hint of irritation in his voice as he walked over to a pair of giants who were bound, back to back, by iron chains. "What a pleasant thing, seeing you two again." He remarked, his voice nearly leaking with sarcasm. "Let me guess…Otus," Matt said, pointing to the ugly giant on the left; "The other one must be Ephialtes, I presume." He added with a shudder, pointing to the ugli_er_ giant on the right. Meanwhile, Suki ran over to me and whispered in my ear. "Good news! Suki here did some convincing and found us a way to get to the Ninth Circle~!" I cheered while glomping Suki and kissing her cheek (what can I say? She's grown on me~.) as the others walked over to praise the young (adorable) little shinigami-in-training. "Way to go, Suki!" Demi cheered, hoisting the girl onto her shoulders; "So, Suki, how'd you manage to get us into the Ninth Circle?" Hermes asked. Suki answered by simply pointing to a rather young-looking giantess (she-giant), saying, "Antaeus will lift us down to Cocytus." Hermes stood there, eye twitching; "WHA—" The messenger was cut off by none other than yours truly with a hand over his mouth and a smile that read, "Let's do this!" I walked over to where Suki was pointing and could only watch as the giantess formerly known as Antaeus lower her huge, no, _massive_ hand next to me, silent. "All aboard the Antaeus Airlines~!" Matt and Demi joked, giggling as they sat in the palm of the giantess's surprisingly soft hand; Hermes sat on her thumb; Hades, Suki, and I sat on her wrist. I felt the air whip my hair around and roar in my ears as the hand lifted up at nearly 1000 feet into the air, make a 270 degree turn, and suddenly drop onto an icy lake. "Thank goodness you told me to pack, Demi-nee!" I said with chattering teeth, pulling a black, not-too-thin-not-too-thick jack out of my bag and put it on without hesitation. "Ladies and Gentlemen…." Demi began; "This is Cocytus…" Matt added; "The Ninth and Final Ring…" Hades continued; "Where the Traitors are imprisoned." Suki concluded in her monotone. _I wonder what they did to wind up here….._

Cat o' ninetails: A whip.

Benebot: A robot version of Pope Benedictus.

Yubaba, from Hayao Miyazaki's Spirited Away, literally means 'Bath crone'.

Malacoda is Italian for 'Evil Tail; Malebranche is Italian for 'Evil Claws'.

This is referring to Cocytus, an icy lake in Hell's Ninth and final Circle.

MY REAL NAME REVEALED! You may call me Erica or Maiko~.

Mail Jeevas is Matt's real name from the anime Death Note; despite his being 3rd for succeeding L, he may have had a double life as _il capomafia_: the Mafia Boss/Head. Epic, huh?

_Ningen_ is Japanese for 'human'.

Nate Rivers is the actual name for Near, L's 1st successor, from Death Note.

REVIEW AND I'LL GIVE YOU SWEETS! Or, I'll put in a special appearance for those who ask nicely in my next fanfic!


	10. Exit from Inferno and the Comedy Cruise!

((A/N & Disclaimer: I don't own Inferno, Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy, or any characters….except Dianne in the 8th Circle. Anyways…REVIEW AND READ BOTH MINE AND SWEET DEMI'S STORIES PLEASE! Here is what you all have been waiting for….*I do the Carmelldansen while Matt does an epic drum roll and fanfare* The 9th and final Circle of Inferno. Sorry it's so short! I was up at 3 a.m.! Honest! Matt: The circles under her eyes prove it! ))

As I put on my jacket, another chilly wind mercilessly blasted through my nightclothes as I shivered. "W-W-W-Why is it s-s-s-s-so c-c-cold?" I asked, my teeth shaking like maracas as I trudged through. "The answer to that question lies ahead." Hades advised me as he pulled Suki and I close to him. "Oh, come on Hades; tell her. It'll save us a lot of questions later on." Hermes insisted as Matt shook his head, unaffected by the cold, "Let it stay as it is until it's time. We can't rush everything." The gamer advised sagely as he attempted to keep Demi warm by putting his jacket on his wife's shoulders; a true gentleman (attention, Matt fan girls, you can't have him! HE'S MARRIED TO DEMI!). As we continued, Demi narrated, "This is Caїna, the first round of the final Circle; the name came from Cain, who betrayed and killed his brother Abel in the Bible. So, this happens to be where the Traitors of Kin reside; hey, Cain~!" She cheerily waved to an elderly man with his head bent low to protect himself from the chilling winds as he howled, "What did I do to deserve this? I wanted to gain Father's favor, but as I passed, I was sent here! I was a son of the First Creations! I deserve to be in Paradise!" He growled as Cain bent his head lower, ashamed and regretful of what he'd done. "Wow. That's one step on the way to being a Popsicle for eternity…" I murmured as I noticed… "Suki, what are you still doing here? You said that Hell's Well is as far as you'll take us!" I exclaimed, shocked that the young shinigami-in-training was still with us. "I lied." She giggled as my face turned red; _How could she be so sly and STILL be so cute?_, I thought as a mouth bit one of my toes. "OWW! Who did that?" I howled as I held my poor left foot in my right hand, looking down to see who tried to make a snack out of me. I saw ruby locks that were uneven; at that moment, I definitely knew that it was… "Karin, it's you! Well, I already know why _you're_ here." Matt and I snickered as she scoffed, "Whatever! Where is Sasuke-kun? I want payback!" Hermes rolled his head and smirked as he said, "Hey, a soccer ball! I get to kick it first!" Before the Hebi kunoichi' could object, protest, or grumble, she now had a faceful of winged sandal. "Me next! Oh, please let me go next!" I hopped up and down, eager to have a turn at kicking Karin the Soccer Ball. Once my turn came, I kicked as hard as I could; the result was the most mannish scream in the history of history itself.

We walked past a humiliated Uchiha and into a colder region; "When will we get out of here? I'm freezing my butt off here!" I whined as my feet nearly slipped out from under me. "Be careful!" Hermes, Matt, and Suki exclaimed as they reached for my arms; "Are you okay, Oneesan*?" Suki asked in a somewhat panicked monotone as she kept a firm grip on my left arm; "Watch where you step, squirt; if you fall on this ice, sentenced or not, you'll remain stuck there until Judgment Day." Hermes advised, getting a strong grip on my right shoulder. "So, is there anyone else you know here?" Matt asked until he and Demi spotted the head of someone all too familiar jutting from the ice. "Oh man…_**Clive Dove?**_" The couple exclaimed in unison, the shinigami 85% surprised at Legal!Luke being here. "Yes, yes, we all know why I'm here…but, I don't remember why I turned against Layton….against my home….I deserve to be here…." The young brunette wept as ice began to form under his eyelashes; "Who was it that called my name….? My eyes….." The former apprentice lamented as ice caked on the whole of his eyes. _Hmph, he deserved it, if you ask me…., _I thought pitilessly and mentally growled as Demi mentally retorted in surprise, _Whoa, what happened to you? When we first got here, you were all 'Poor Jiraya and Tsunade'; now you're all….like this, as cold-hearted as this Circle, kid. Maybe it's because we're almost out of this messed up nightmare. Now, Demi, would you be as kind as to leave me to my thoughts, __**please**__?_ With a hurt sigh, the distraught shinigami left me and clung to Matt's arm. "Something's up with Mai, Matty. What do you think of this?" She whispered to her husband as he answered, "The deeper we go into Hell, the less warm she gets. Warmth is given to those that receive it from God; the farther one goes, the colder they become. Once we leave, she'll revert back to her normal, nice self and then, it's off to Purgatory we go." "Thank God; I thought that since we're in the Ninth Circle, she'll turn against us with every step closer we get to…_you-know-who_." "Possibly that, too, Demi-hime*." Matt added in a certain someone's monotone, which earned a glare from his wife. As for Suki and Hades, they walked toward me with a look of pity; before they could say anything, however, I stopped them with a look that read, 'I think it's best to leave me alone'. And that they did. So, there were now six of us: Suki, Matt, Demi, Hermes, and Hades in their own little group….and me, by myself. _Wow, did I hurt them THAT much? I have to make it to them!_ I thought, determined to win back my friends….and beg for forgiveness in the process. I slipped and slid over to the 'group' with misty, almost tearful eyes; "I feel a huge weight on my chest…we must be getting close." Hermes mused as I trailed in the group's shadow…and Matt gave me a sideways glare! As tears threatened to spill, I stopped in my tracks as the group trekked on, avoiding various and random heads poking out of the ice, lamenting all the while as I passed, following them until I saw a huge tower up ahead. "You….Y-Y-You guys…! If this is a way to make me feel sorry for myself," I sniffled, tears flooding down my face, "…then, it's w-w-working….!" I wailed, my tears taking the shape of unholy diamonds; a small plinking noise could be heard following behind me as I ran (yes, ran) towards my friends. Suki spotted me coming; "Oh, Suki, I'm so sorry! I'll never do anything to you like that again!" I, picking her up and holding her in my arms, said in a whisper that only the two of us can hear. The pale shinigami girl's only response was a small yet sweet peck on the tip of my partially frozen nose and an equally sweet smile; **my** response to _her_ response was a warm hug (yes, I was still holding her). All the while, Suki and I 'responded' back and forth with hugs and everything while Hades wondered, '_**Where is Miss Suki? I hope we didn't make Miss Maiko too upset….'**_ His thoughts were interrupted by a light giggle as he saw two shadows a ways behind him. He said nothing as he tapped Demi's shoulder, who tapped Matt's shoulder, who tapped Hermes' shoulder; when Suki and I wandered into grabbing distance, we were pulled into a massive embrace. As crystals dropped from my eyes, I whimpered, "I-I-I-I'm s-sorry! Forgive me! I d-d-didn't mean to…." The rest of my words were smothered by the embrace; "Come on, let's go—" Hermes was cut off by Suki. "Mai-oneechan* and I saw a huge tower up ahead. Do you know what it is, Mercury?" She asked, ever-so-innocently. "Y-You'll see soon enough, Suki…" The messenger said with a gulp and a voice full of fear. "_On march the banners of the King…_" Demi and Hades chorused in a grim tone as we saw that the tower….was DEFINITELY _**NOT A TOWER**_! "I-I-Is t-that….?" I said, afraid of whom it _**exactly **_is and hoping that it most definitely wasn't…..

"I'm afraid it is…." Hermes, Matt, and Hades chorused as the two redheads quaked in fear at the sight of…. "I don't believe it….i-i-it's _him_…." I growled at the one who caused Eve to eat the forbidden fruit and caused our ill-fated, sinful Fall from Eden….the one who made every unfortunate event…! I hurled every name he had collected over the millennia at him, furious at all three of his hideous faces, red, black, and pale-yellow that connected at his horrible, hairy neck; furious at his beating wings as he effortlessly struggled to break free of his icy prison….. I caught a glimpse of who was his newest snack: in the pale yellow head, I spotted Sasuke Uchiha. As for the black face, I glimpsed Orochimaru's legs dangling out, pedaling the cold air; and finally, in the red face, I caught a sight of the Cartoon Network logo* being chewed to pieces. _Heh, they had it coming to them, all right…..hee hee hee~. _With a silent smirk, I asked, "So, how do we get out? Do we go through some kind of secret door or something?" "What do _you_ think?" Matt answered with a question of his own, an eyebrow raised as my mind clicked. _Oh, HECK NO!_ "Oh, no; forget it! Nuh-uh! No way, never! There is NO WAY I'm climbing down _that __**thing**_!" I protested as I pointed to Satan's more-than-slightly hairy back while Demi intervened, "We have to….it's the only way for us to leave the Inferno." "Fine…but I won't like it…" I muttered as I grabbed hold of the dreaded Lucifer's shaggy fur and started to climb down. Before long, I felt the earth seem to do a few flips as I was weightless for only a minute; that minute passed and it looked as if we were climbing upside down. After what seemed like an hour or so, I saw a tiny beam of light and could only feel its warmth as it grew and grew until it was revealed to be the dazzling rising sun, an crystal blue ocean, and a mountain* in the distance. As we finally set foot on solid earth, Matt, Suki, and I hooted, hollered, and danced; we finally got out of Hell. "WE DID IT! WE DID IT, YOU GUYS~!" I cheered, hugging Hermes just a bit _too_ tightly (as if the gasps and pleads of 'Lemme go…' weren't an indication…). Matt, however, celebrated in a different fashion: He slung an arm around Demi's shoulders, held her close, and gave her the most passionate kiss in recorded history (and that's saying something). When the both of them reluctantly pulled away, Hermes smirked, "Aww~! How sweet; Christmas isn't here yet and you two are all ready for the mistletoe! Let me get my camera!" He jeered, holding himself as he laughed almost uncontrollably. Luckily for Demi and Matt, Hades (me too!) happened to act as witness (es); "Need I remind you that you are the only person here who's single…..oh so _painfully single_?" Hades added as he pulled his blushing nephew into a bear hug. "Don't worry; I know the perfect person for you!" The Lord of Erebus added. "Oh, you really do? Who might that be? If it's the 'hooker of the Olympus' Aphrodite _**again***_, I'll never escort Persephone to you from now on!" Hermes threatened, pulling out the golden staff he always used in travelers' affairs. With a single smile, Hades snatched the staff from him and flung him in front of Suki and I (yes, Suki was on my back when we climbed out!) and snickered, "Take your pick." The Olympian messenger scowled and said, "No freaking way! In fact, I choose neither of them! I wouldn't go out with her," He pointed to Suki, whose cheeks were glowing scarlet with growing anger; "And I sure swear on all of Dionysus' secret stashes of wine, Zeus' thunderbolts, and even Athena's tapestry collection that I won't go out with _**her!**_" He raged, pointing to me. "One more wrong move and you won't walk _or_ sit right for months; I'm only giving you _**one **_warning, Hermes…trust me, she did it to me too…" Matt directed, already cringing in fear of what would happen next.

Before I could say a word (or raise a fist), a ship's horn sounded; a large cruise ship called _La Commedia_ pulled up to the rocky shore where we were standing and could only gape in surprise as Sai from _Naruto_, wearing a Hawaiian t-shirt, poked his head from the captain's chambers, smiling a **genuine **smile, asking: "Anyone need a ride to Purgatory?" As we boarded (our only luggage being my bag that I packed), I wondered what Mount Purgatory would be like. "Who knows; maybe it might be fun!" Hermes, Demi, and Matt chorused, Demi whistling to "Kagami" by Kanon Wakeshima*. Suki poked my elbow to bring me back; "Mount Purgatory has seven terraces. That's all I'll tell you…" She said in her regular monotone. "Don't worry, Young Miss; once we reach the Earthly Paradise, everything will be…fine…" The Lord of Riches trailed off, thinking about a certain Goddess. _Don't worry, Hades; I know just how you feel…I miss my sweetheart too….Ryuu-kun…._ I thought sadly as a single tear rolled down my cheek. "Enough with all of the mushy sap, let go, have some fun, and LET'S PAR-TAY~!" Hermes cheered as he spied the cocktail bar. "Yeah, I guess you're right; we just can't sit around and mope like this!" I agreed as I spotted some La-Z Boys in an outside café. As I flopped in one, I spotted a slightly drunk Hermes singing 'Pocketful of Sunshine' by Natasha Bedingfield _way_ off-key on a nearby stage; as I looked around, I saw Suki playing with some other kids, Hades in another La-Z Boy chair reading _A Tale Of Two Cities_ by Charles Dickens, as well as Demi and Matt half-asleep and chatting with each other nearby a large pool, about 7 or 8 feet deep. As for me, as my eyelids grew heavier, my vision slipped to see twinkling diamond like stars before I closed my eyes, a half-smile spread on my face.

Hime means Princess.

Oneesama is a Japanese term of 'older sis'.

I put the Cartoon Network logo in Satan's mouth because it has committed a HUGE act of treachery: Cartoon Network betrayed its fans. That's why.

The mountain is Mount Purgatory.

A: Aphrodite got with Hermes and brought out Hermaphroditius. B: Aphrodite, in MY perspective, truly is the Hooker of Mount Olympus. My opinion, people!

Kanon Wakeshima has written two ending themes for the anime Vampire Knight. Google her and her songs/images/albums and then you'll see who I'm talking about.

Me: Well, I guess that's it.

Matt: What's it?

Me: The end. Of _Maiko's _Inferno.

Matt: **WAIT!** We still have to get to Mount Purgatory, remember?

Me: Oh…but I can't. I'm losing power…

Matt: Oh, _that_ power. *hands me cheesecake*

Me: Not **that** power, Matt-niisan; REVIEWS! I need reviews!

Matt: Oh, right. *to readers* REVIEW OR I'LL SEND CERBERUS AFTER YOU ALL! *evil laughter*

Demi: Too far, Matty, too far….*drags Matt away by his collar*


End file.
